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Ryan Adams, abuse, the Stans, and people who believe no apology is good enough


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Old 02-14-2019, 09:33 AM   #376
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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we've needed to demand more out of our journalists, our politicians, our representatives, our fucking nation, our president.....



demand schmemand.....there are still good and decent people out there and some of them are journalists, some are cops



raise your hand here if you gotta a ryan tattoo???? raise your hand if you spent a shit ton of money on vinyl? and music tix and raised support and awareness for a musical hero....only to find out that the NYT actually pulled quotes fromt he texts...
No doubt there are plenty of good people out there. Point is, u ever meet this author? Can u vouch for their integrity? If not, why blindly trust them just because they hold a voice over at the NYT?

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Old 02-14-2019, 09:34 AM   #377
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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she's a starstruck dumbfounded teenager being manipulated by an egomaniac showering her w/ compliments and promises of a flourishing musical career all in the guise to get her nudes.



she's a victim man. lest we not forget, he's the grown up here????



fuck all this bullshit of people coming to his defense.
Victim lied about her age, I question whether that was a calculation made on her part to continue on with their sexting conversation.

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Old 02-14-2019, 09:35 AM   #378
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

LOL, Mandy Moore is a much bigger star than Ryan and was when they were married. Get the fuck out of here.

She wasn't "in the dark." She was on TV, doing the shit she was good at doing. Her music was in the dark because she has no discernible musical talent.

Honestly, it's sort of sad that the media (and Mandy) are making a story about a fourteen year old girl being stalked by an adult about her marital squabbles. Maybe break up during the engagement...or in year one..or two..or three..or five?

She's not some naive ingenue. She's a millionaire actress. Let's stop infantilizing women, please.
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:37 AM   #379
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

These are two different stories.

Story One is about a dude preying on a fourteen year old and encouraging her to keep their relationship private.

Story Two is a few bitter women complaining about bad relationships with a mentally ill person. Who was, by the way, notoriously mentally ill when they, as adults, chose to attempt to date the mentally ill person.

Story One is news and is disgusting.

Story Two is not news and is only disgusting in that it's been conflated with story one for the sake of padding a story and grabbing headlines.
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:37 AM   #380
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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LOL, Mandy Moore is a much bigger star than Ryan and was when they were married. Get the fuck out of here.

She wasn't "in the dark." She was on TV, doing the shit she was good at doing. Her music was in the dark because she has no discernible musical talent.

Honestly, it's sort of sad that the media (and Mandy) are making a story about a fourteen year old girl being stalked by an adult about her marital squabbles. Maybe break up during the engagement...or in year one..or two..or three..or five?

She's not some naive ingenue. She's a millionaire actress. Let's stop infantilizing women, please.
Right, I actually think playing the victim card and the ease at which people accept it from women shows the equality agenda really hasn't advanced as much as many would like to think it has

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Old 02-14-2019, 09:38 AM   #381
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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Victim lied about her age, I question whether that was a calculation made on her part to continue on with their sexting conversation.

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sorry.

gonna err on the side of gentleman every fucking time.

he's the adult here....he's got the influence he knows it, he uses it to his advantage.

i'm a father of two daughters and if this predator was on the other line w/ one of my kids, i'd chop his nuts off.

in my eyes, she's an under developed homeschooled so called prodigy that lacks maturity and know-all....easy fucking pickings for ryan...he knew better, he knows better and he still acted on it.

i'm sorry guys. in this day and age, in any day and age, the excuse that it's the girls fault for responding to texts, or how she dressed or behave doesn't fucking fly w/ me....it's a confusing messed up attention starved world out there and people prey on that shit...people know that and validate themselves to get what they need....

this teenager is a victime. pure and simple.

he crossed a fucking line and one i'm not gonna budge on.
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:39 AM   #382
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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These are two different stories.

Story One is about a dude preying on a fourteen year old and encouraging her to keep their relationship private.

Story Two is a few bitter women complaining about bad relationships with a mentally ill person. Who was, by the way, notoriously mentally ill when they, as adults, chose to attempt to date the mentally ill person.

Story One is news and is disgusting.

Story Two is not news and is only disgusting in that it's been conflated with story one for the sake of padding a story and grabbing headlines.
hey
keep defending the abuser man.
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:39 AM   #383
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

My marriage was very emotionally abusive with my wife being the abuser and me being the victim. That shit don't sell papers though or support the #metoo movement so I'm sure many would have a hard time feeling sorry for me.

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Old 02-14-2019, 09:40 AM   #384
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

We work backward from the belief that all women are good and all men are bad and, as such, objectivity and equality go out the door.

We have no sense of context or ability to differentiate or willingness to assess the totality of someone's actions and distinguish between actual offenses and things that aren't really offenses. We're looking to put a label on someone's head, fix it there, and go on about our business having had our preexisting beliefs about the world reaffirmed.
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:41 AM   #385
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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hey
keep defending the abuser man.
Keep failing to identify nuance and distinctions, bro.
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:41 AM   #386
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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LOL, Mandy Moore is a much bigger star than Ryan and was when they were married. Get the fuck out of here.

She wasn't "in the dark." She was on TV, doing the shit she was good at doing. Her music was in the dark because she has no discernible musical talent.

Honestly, it's sort of sad that the media (and Mandy) are making a story about a fourteen year old girl being stalked by an adult about her marital squabbles. Maybe break up during the engagement...or in year one..or two..or three..or five?

She's not some naive ingenue. She's a millionaire actress. Let's stop infantilizing women, please.
i for one commend her and the others for coming together and being brave enough to take it on.

this isn't airing dirty laundry folks. this is shining light on an abusive narcissist. i'm so fucking confused how anyone could think otherwise?

mandy moore being a tv/movie star already doesn't absolve ryan of being a prick...an unsupportive, verbally and psychologically abusive husband/boyfriend.

i've read countless interviews and listened to many....the man has to have attention.....
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:42 AM   #387
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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Keep failing to identify nuance and distinctions, bro.
hey how bout you just fuck off then?
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:43 AM   #388
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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We work backward from the belief that all women are good and all men are bad and, as such, objectivity and equality go out the door.

We have no sense of context or ability to differentiate or willingness to assess the totality of someone's actions and distinguish between actual offenses and things that aren't really offenses. We're looking to put a label on someone's head, fix it there, and go on about our business having had our preexisting beliefs about the world reaffirmed.
Most definitely a double standard exists because there's still this preconceived notion in the back of people's minds that women are weaker than men both physically and mentally.

I'm all for equal rights but with that needs to first come equal acceptance. Not sure we're there yet as a society.

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Old 02-14-2019, 09:44 AM   #389
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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My marriage was very emotionally abusive with my wife being the abuser and me being the victim. That shit don't sell papers though or support the #metoo movement so I'm sure many would have a hard time feeling sorry for me.

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i feel sorry for you if that was the case. absolutely i do.

this isn't a fucking hit and run hit pieace by the NYT

you fucking lot that are defending him are as bad as the cockgobblers that hung on his every word over @ RAA
and i remember lots here fucking so-called despised that behavior but yet, here we are.

wonder what Rob will rename his website now?

www.supportyourpredator.org???
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:48 AM   #390
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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hey how bout you just fuck off then?
For someone so APPALLED by verbal abuse...
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:50 AM   #391
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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For someone so APPALLED by verbal abuse...
Take it like a MAN!

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Old 02-14-2019, 09:52 AM   #392
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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LOL, Mandy Moore is a much bigger star than Ryan and was when they were married. Get the fuck out of here.

She wasn't "in the dark." She was on TV, doing the shit she was good at doing. Her music was in the dark because she has no discernible musical talent.

Honestly, it's sort of sad that the media (and Mandy) are making a story about a fourteen year old girl being stalked by an adult about her marital squabbles. Maybe break up during the engagement...or in year one..or two..or three..or five?

She's not some naive ingenue. She's a millionaire actress. Let's stop infantilizing women, please.
I do feel like she conveniently puts the blame on him for her failing music career and what could have been. No doubt that he was difficult to deal with durning their marriage, but I think she has some narcissistic issues herself. He put a cap on what could have been the “most lucrative time in her career”? That part really stood out to me. She doesn’t like to take the blame either. She was still successful during their marriage with things like Sherrif Callie and Tangled. Like you said, maybe her music career was just never going to happen.

Lumping that in with the 14 year old’s story really didn’t help. But I suppose they were just trying to illustrate his character. A lot of news sites are making it a story about Mandy and leaving out the minor side of it. The minors story, completely unacceptable and gross. Like other people said, he was the adult here. Mandy’s story, not a great situation but I think she came out of it relatively unscathed and has done pretty well for herself.

What I can’t believe though, is that no stories seem to be picking up on the idea that all of this happened when he was married to Mandy. Maybe they were separated? I thought they didn’t get divorced til around 2015. Cause if it was when he was with her, that’s way worse than telling her she wasn’t a real musician IMO.
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:52 AM   #393
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

For the power thing... ok, here me out... is it not possible, given his neediness and desire to get involved so quickly and wrapped up in a woman and unstable sense of self image (that we can only see second hand, of course), that he would promise the moon and stars to women he was infatuated with? Then just bail when he was bored/it fell apart?


If I promised tour dates to my ex, I'd probably take it back once we broke up, too.... can't reconcile that with the (alleged) 14 yr old stuff though.

I suppose this is pointless speculation. Maybe I'm in denial but when I think about what we know with the other men accused in Me Too, something doesn't sit right. I like to think it's not just because I'm a fan.

Wanna add, I feel you thebalvenie.. your posts about made me tear up here at work. Shit sucks.
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:53 AM   #394
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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Old 02-14-2019, 09:55 AM   #395
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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I do feel like she conveniently puts the blame on him for her failing music career and what could have been. No doubt that he was difficult to deal with durning their marriage, but I think she has some narcissistic issues herself. He put a cap on what could have been the ďmost lucrative time in her careerĒ? That part really stood out to me. She doesnít like to take the blame either. She was still successful during their marriage with things like Sherrif Callie and Tangled. Like you said, maybe her music career was just never going to happen.

Lumping that in with the 14 year oldís story really didnít help. But I suppose they were just teying to illustrate his character. A lot of news sites are making it a story about Mandy and leaving out the minor side of it. The minors story, completely unacceptable and gross. Like other people said, he was the adult here. Mandyís story, not a great situation but I think she came out of it relatively unscathed and has done pretty well for herself.

What I canít believe though, is that no stories seem to be picking up on the idea that all of this happened when he was married to Mandy. Maybe they were separated? I thought they didnít get divorced til around 2015.
no one is saying she had a poor career or wasn't successful...she had some success in spite of it...

LOOK at her now. look at how she is behaving and feeling now. kudos to her for divorcing him, kudos to coming to support the others and kudos to her for sticking in the biz.

for the record, i do not like her music...but the lady can act....she's talented
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:56 AM   #396
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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Old 02-14-2019, 09:56 AM   #397
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

Every relationship I've ever been in with women has been borderline emotionally abuse or outrightly so.

A girl I knew in grad school talked shit on me to my professors because I refused to date her and told me "I wasn't a normal man" when I turned down her sexual advances.

I had another women turn an entire social circle of people against me in college because I wouldn't go to a wedding with her and later wrote elaborate insulting fanfics online about me.

I've had a boss at a recent job try to date me and text me repeatedly after I left the job to try to avoid her.

I don't hate any of these people and don't think any of them are monsters. All of them hurt me, but most were trying to negotiate emotions they couldn't handle and fucked up. Almost all of them deal with mental illness in some way. The ones that I know have improved and are better people after having examined their mistakes. I support them all and have nothing but love for any of them despite how uncomfortable they made me and how hurt I was by their actions. As do the people who stood by them and helped them improve themselves, allowing them to get to a place where they felt more stable and were able to be better to others.

Isn't it lucky for them that they were women?
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:58 AM   #398
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

I'd just like to echo what @thebalvenie and @folkjam (among others) have all said and to defend him is wrong.

His repeated questions about her age should be enough for a 40 year old man to know that she wasn't old enough. And even ignoring that (which I agree is the most major part of the story), the manipulation and psychological abuse is not acceptable.

On a personal level, this sucks so hard. RA's music has been a part of my life since 2002 (a bit more than half of my life) and has meant so much to me and helped me through so many things since my freshman year of high school when I discovered him. I always knew he had plenty of relationship issues (with women and friends) and mental instability of some sort (likely BPD) but as many have said, to a degree you shrug it off and just listen to the music, knowing he's tortured by his issues and that his issues are in part why he is such a good artist. Never thought he was pulling a Weinstein and that is so disappointing.

But damn if this doesn't suck of course above all for all the people he has hurt directly, but (on a tiny level in the grand scheme of things) his fans too now.

As far as his music I don't know what it will be like to listen to in the manner and amount that I typically have...will likely take a break from it for the time being. Of course I found out years ago that "Tomorrow" and the story behind it was bullshit but it still stayed one of my favorite songs bc it's so damn good, fiction or not. But I guess I'll just have to wait and see how it goes and feels as time passes.


All that said, just to make one last point to the doubters - is it possible there are some embellishments or lies in the NYT article? Theoretically yes but with all the people weighing in and knowing already what we knew about his personality I highly doubt there's much in there to doubt.
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:58 AM   #399
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

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I do feel like she conveniently puts the blame on him for her failing music career and what could have been. No doubt that he was difficult to deal with durning their marriage, but I think she has some narcissistic issues herself. He put a cap on what could have been the ďmost lucrative time in her careerĒ? That part really stood out to me. She doesnít like to take the blame either. She was still successful during their marriage with things like Sherrif Callie and Tangled. Like you said, maybe her music career was just never going to happen.

Lumping that in with the 14 year oldís story really didnít help. But I suppose they were just trying to illustrate his character. A lot of news sites are making it a story about Mandy and leaving out the minor side of it. The minors story, completely unacceptable and gross. Like other people said, he was the adult here. Mandyís story, not a great situation but I think she came out of it relatively unscathed and has done pretty well for herself.

What I canít believe though, is that no stories seem to be picking up on the idea that all of this happened when he was married to Mandy. Maybe they were separated? I thought they didnít get divorced til around 2015.
establishing a historical narrative is crucial. his actions and behavior towards women and others needed to have a voice and fleshed out per se via NYT article.

these people are brave for doing what they did. they don't gain anything by coming forward? they get a bunch of blowhard fans coming to his rescue and spewing hate and mean words and calling them attention whores
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:59 AM   #400
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Re: Your favorite singer/songwriter is a Perv: The Thread

guys can we try and be respectful to each other? c’mon.
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